Tourists from all over Japan are returning from their Boston sojourn to make a bizarre discovery. While swapping snappies with friends over sukiyaki, they are slowly coming to the realization that their photos all have one thing in common. Who is that stylish red-head that appears in the background of every picture? Portent of doom or harbinger of good times?
The latter, bitches!
The latter indeed. In my two weeks working at the Harvard Museum of Natural History, I have accidentally appeared in more photographs than Britney's pish--which means that, in Japan at least, I am becoming more popular that Brit-Brit's bits.
Little by little, I am building cult following. Soon, there will be an anime series based on a fabricated version of my adolescent years. A line of action figures will follow, and then, with any luck, a game franchise owned by Konami. The Japanese will start coming to Boston with the purpose of photographing me. (Suck it, Daisuke.) Eventually, I will be approached by a powerful NHK executive, and he will offer me my very own Japanese talk show, like Pee-Wee's Playhouse meets Oprah. It will be called "Jai-tu-rom shiwase ichijikan" and I will have a robot sidekick named Mr. Roboto and a house band like Devo and costumes that will make Elton John shed a tear. It will be so pimp.
I just have to keep wandering into those Japanese tourist photos like it's my mission.
And believe me, now it is my mission.
Dream big, my friends.
