Believe the hype.

This uber-virus going around is bad news.

Not only do you get the aches, the fever, the sore throat, and the congestion, but also a compulsion to watch terrible 90's movies like Boomerang, Look Who's Talking Too, and Predator the second. It's like a slow, degenerative disorder that attacks the brain's defenses against crummy entertainment, and the motor skills necessary to change the channel. This is serious.
You can't even begin to imagine the amount of neurological damage I've suffered because of John Travolta. All I can do at this point is pray for death.

Something must be done about this.
If I don't make it through, please notify the WHO.
And I don't mean Roger Daltrey.