Thank you all for taking my survey. Was it as good for you as it was for me?
While I still await the final grade for this
I have decided, since you selfless mortals gave up seven minutes of your brief lifespans, that it would be appropriate—nay, it would only be right!—that I should return the favor, tit for tat. No, really. I insist.
Therefore, I bequeath unto you seven minutes of my existence. It’s up to you what you choose to do with this gift. Yea, for seven minutes, I can convince you that you do not look fat in those pants. For seven minutes, I can read Robert Frost poems to you on a bear skin rug before a crackling fire, or just help you decide what you feel like having for dinner. For seven minutes, I can listen intently to how bad your day has been, how aggravating your co-workers are, how no one appreciates the crap you put up with, or how much you hate the new Wolverine movie, and—if time permits—offer you sweet words of balmy consolation.
Yes my friends, all this can be yours. Choose wisely.
Let none say that I am without even the smallest hint of benevolence and generosity! Let none say that I am an ungrateful wretch full of wickedness, or that I ride upon the night in a black chariot of despair that leaves moral corruption in its wake!
Let none say that.
