I feel terrible for the Bullock, but baby girl is making me proud to have woman parts.
Sure, she married a shit bag of ill-repute, but as far as I’m concerned, the Bullock is beyond reproach. You can’t fault someone for giving someone else the benefit of the doubt. And, since it is completely outside the realm of possibility that she married him for looks or for money, she must have actually been in love with him. What a rare, and in this instance, pitiable condition.
We had such high hopes that basking in her awesomeness would ultimately make Jesse James a better person. And the kicker is he kind of was a better person for a hot minute, until he inexplicably reverted to his natural state of being scummy.
Seriously. Somebody tell me how you marry the Bullock and then carry on with a butter-faced, ink-happy, neo-Nazi strumpet with a tattoo on her forehead? How does that mental pros and cons list look? What goes on in the mind of a man like Jesse James?
“Well, I could have sex with my hot, rich, awesome wife who I supposedly love to bits OR I could stick it in this vapid, attention-seeking cliché of a venereal disease host and potentially destroy my comfortable family life. Hmm. Wife or strumpet... wife or... strumpet?”
It is this extremely flawed judgment that makes me wonder why, for so many generations, men have traditionally been put in decision making roles, while woman's judgment has been consistently maligned since the dawn of civilization for being uterus-addled.
“I can’t help but put myself in these situations, because I have a sex addiction which completely absolves me of taking any personal responsibility for my incredibly fucked up actions.“
Oh.
And here I thought you were just incredibly stupid.
Sorry, Jesse James. The Bullock is not buying this bologna. This is a credit to her intelligence.
While you were away at a relaxing retreat for serial douchebaggery, the Bullock was having your mom and your daughter remove all of your shit from her house, while she rang her lawyers, urging them to dust off that super handy prenuptial agreement that you must have signed during a particularly feverish moment of sex addiction denial. Funny that you should live with this sex addiction for so long without even knowing you had it until after you were caught with your proverbial pants down. Funny, indeed.
Good on you, Bullock, for getting a prenup with an infidelity clause. Good on you for not taking his calls from sex rehab. Good on you for ruthlessly and systematically removing every trace of the dumb son-of-bitch from your existence. Nobody puts Bullock in the corner!
Shame on you, Jesse James, for being dumber than the hunk of metal you rode in on. If only you could fix your personality like you fix up motorcycles. Alas. YOU CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.
Kick back, Bullock. Pat yourself on the back for single-handedly bucking the disturbing/exasperating trend of forgiving the adulterer at the expense of one's own dignity. Listen to some En Vogue, because today you are officially a strong black woman.
Marianne Faithful and I applaud you.
However, if you ever take him back, you are dead to me.
